Buzz Cut
Senior year, I was reminiscing on my past and all my unfulfilled wishes when one unexpected wish resurfaced: the desire to buzz my head. From a young age, I told my mom that as soon as buzz cuts became cool, I was going to buzz all my hair off. This was before my hair went from board straight to suddenly curly at age 12. I found confidence in myself through learning how to manage my curly hair, especially since my parents were unsure what to do with it. It was confusing, especially considering YouTube seemed to have endless curly hair tutorials, all recommending different and sometimes contradictory things. I rocked the curls for 10 years, mastering the art of mousse and the diffuser hairdryer attachment. I even got curly bangs to spice things up. Senior year, I felt like my curly hair had a good run, but I was exhausted from managing it. Remembering my younger self's dream to buzz her hair off, I felt like it was now or never. So one October 2024 night, I messaged my friend who had an electric razor, asking if they would buzz my hair. They excitedly said yes, and next thing I knew, all my curly hair was in heaps on their floor. To my surprise, my friend loved the look so well on me that I turned around and they were buzzing their own head! It was a night I will never forget.
One unexpected wish resurfaced: the desire to buzz my head.
To this day, I keep waiting for the pang of grief for my old hair, but it hasn’t come. I loved my curly hair, but now that it’s gone, I’m realizing I did not keep it for me, but because I thought that was how others wanted me to look. The buzz cut was a huge step for me to honor myself and my wishes. As a recovering people pleaser, this can be incredibly challenging.
The buzz cut was a huge step for me to honor myself and my wishes.
I do not miss the anxiety and time associated with my longer hair, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed growing out my short hair and trying new pixie-style haircuts along the way. I wanted to include this moment in my portfolio to remember the time I chose to honor a decade-old wish from childhood; the time I chose to be authentically me. They say that choosing to be yourself inspires other people to do the same, so I want this to serve as a reminder to be yourself rather than what you think people want you to be. The buzz cut was a means of self-discovery and confidence-building for me, and I hope to take its lessons with me to continue showing up authentically for myself.
I wanted to include this moment in my portfolio to remember the time I chose to honor a decade-old wish from childhood; the time I chose to be authentically me.
